Fear and Letting Go
Although drinking medicine might seem like it requires some kind of fearlessness from those who show up, it is not always without fear. To be fearless does not mean an absence of fear, to be fearless means simply that you feel fear less. Feeling fear less means that you do feel more. It means more feeling, more allowing, more embracing, more understanding. It means to know that fear is there, that it has a place and in doing so we can count on it to become a wise friend, ally, and teacher on the path, which in turn is more welcoming. More welcoming to fear when it shows up. This is our ability to discern what is showing up and to act accordingly.
Sometimes this fear is hidden, yet most times it can be seen on the face and felt in the body. Largely, it is apprehension, a subtle anxiety or nervous energy. For to enter into the unknown, one must let go of the known. One must abandon control. It is like jumping from a plane. Any rational person would feel a visceral sensation, an animalistic awareness of mortality, of the precipice, of the seriousness, of the responsibility of holding life—so fragile—in one's hands. This apprehension is a sign of respect for life, a sign of respect for what is at hand, a sign of respect to understand that meeting the unknown fully means to abandon the known.
Do not be afraid of fear. Learn to recognise it, learn to befriend it and don’t be in a rush to transcend it. If we do not address fear, it may grow large and monstrous in the shadows of our ignorance. Our fears may lie in wait, getting to know us so they can catch us off guard, slowly conquering and overcoming us. Feel everything—don’t let any of it linger. Recognise that it all passes. Allow emotions to come and go without holding on to any of them, but be willing to feel them all the same.
Being fearless means that you are willing to feel fear; it means feeling at home, feeling safe. For example, when walking down a dark alleyway or a dimly lit forest path, there is an ancient mechanism at work inside of us that signals, "Pay attention, danger could be anywhere." It is a tried and effective response that seeks to protect us. It shields us from harm and wants us to survive. And thank God, what a useful tool it is! But for some of us it runs our lives even when we are not in danger. That is an issue. You walk down the street and you are safe, but something inside of you does not feel at home in the world.
The spiritual path is about finding home wherever you are, not seeking it elsewhere. Could you ever be anywhere but in this present moment? Like this, home is right where you are. How could it not be? If you realised where you truly come from, you would know it is the place from which everything springs.
Imagine if this were true: you could relax right here and shed the fear of the unknown now. You could feel at home in the world, no matter where you are, who you're with, or what you have. That is our true home: presence. If we miss this presence, we miss our home and long for something that seems distant but has never left us. If we realise this presence, we come home to the truth of who we are.
If fear is present the first step is to become aware of the sensation, learn to discern how it manifests for you and where you stand with it. Go slow. There's a slogan that makes its rounds in the meditation world that is actually a military adage: Slow is smooth, smooth is fast. Don't rush; take your time. If you get too far ahead, catching up becomes difficult. Specifically concerning fear, if darkness surrounds the heart and the experience becomes too overwhelming, it's crucial to step back. Relax, breathe deeply, and take a break from spiritual exercises. You don't need to be spiritual all the time, after all.
If the fear is manageable and you wish to work with it, then do so. We often run from our fears, but remember this saying, "What you run from chases you." It's true isn’t it? This avoidance creates a tug-of-war; the more you pull, the more it pulls back. This is the definition of stress. The solution? Relax. Doing so releases tension and restores your inner strength; it gives you a spaciousness of which to find again your perspective in the periphery, at the horizon, space to breath, to calm, to find peace.
An old teacher of mine from Peru, Diego Palma, once said, “Follow your fears.” Follow your fears, not your dreams. Your fears reveal what you're hiding, what lies beneath the surface. They mark the edge of the comforting lies you tell yourself. If fear surfaces, it's because it exists within you. Face it. Often, confronting your fears unveils a treasure. All the energy you expend resisting fear gets released, the tension dissipates, and you find sweet relief. In this newfound calm, the struggle harmonises, enabling you to release and relax. So, when fear comes knocking, greet it with curiosity and a smile.
Confronting fear means first recognising it and then approaching it rather than avoiding it. Bring the fear closer and sit with it. Often, such fears stem from unresolved emotional issues, sometimes amounting to what you could call trauma. In Peru, the Shipibo grandmothers I worked with referred to this as "susto," meaning fright or fear. They say this fear gets trapped in the body, causing a part of your soul to disengage, become numb or fragmented into parts. Until you address this fear, it covertly influences your life, sometimes leading to intense addictions or cycles of abuse. The first step is recognition: see it, feel it, and let it be. If you can be present in that place, if you can find space in that place, then what is wound will slowly unwind in your presence.
Sometimes, I perceive fear as a mistreated wild animal. If you approach it, even with the best intentions, it may snarl and retreat. However, if you approach with harmlessness, openness, and trust, the fear often recedes. It takes patience to wait, to sit, and not give in to the impulse to fix, fight, or fidget. Just to maintain presence, patience, and a little tenderness—a kindness—just to be there with that wild animal. Just to be there.
The key to transformation is to love what you fear, to envelop it in a compassionate embrace. You don’t have to accept it, and you don’t have to agree with it, but with love, you can understand it. And understanding that comes from love is a light. Without such a light, it is hard to illuminate the darkness. Without that light, what is in darkness grows. Seen in a certain light, fear is just love in disguise.
