On the Illusory self

By Jayaji / transmissions and meditations for contemplation 

It takes a keen eye to discern the mirage in the desert. So too, it is not without its challenge to raise one’s awareness to see through the veil of the illusory self. We all have an illusory self that we call I and me. It follows us like a shadow. We are stubbornly willing to fight for it and do everything in our will to justify it. It controls us through three fears:

Fear that we are not enough, fear that we do not have enough and the last of which governs our deep-rooted fear of life, it is the fear of death.

The fear of death is ten-fold when we are clinging tightly to the mirage primarily because we feel we have something to lose. Look at this body, it does wonders, digesting food, automating respiration, beating the heart, and circulating blood yet, where are you to be found?

Look at this mind, it is a miracle, the evolutionary acquisition, processing of information, discerning, and analysing. Yet, don’t these functions seem to happen of their own accord? Watch the next thought or great idea. Did you put that there or decide for it to appear? We can say the same with our instinct, our beliefs etc

We often talk about the possession of these attributes: my mind, my thoughts, my body, my name and as these attributes become objects, who is the subject that is calling them mine? 

The illusory self is the one we carry around inside of us, clothed in personality and education and adorned with name and body. But look, look for what is behind these masks —who is there? What is there? What is wearing these many outfits?

The many outfits are part of the complex façade that is the illusory self. It is the aggregation of our thoughts, ideas and opinions that culminate to create our stories, memories and dreams. 

We decorate this culmination and it walks around town and others see this entity and address us as such. Yet, is it not just an entity? For sure, it gives us credence in the world to act and play and work. Here, however, we want to contemplate the truth of the matter.

The illusory self is the worship of a false idol. All day and night we are driven by the need to gratify its wishes. Pulled by its programs and wallowed by its will, which we take to be our own, this false idol has us on an endless wheel continuously grasping for that which is just out of reach and when we do grasp it before it even slips through our hands we are tired of it and craving the next thing. 

How do you know what you truly want when all you have is never enough?

We must practice discernment with desire because desire can lead us to skilful use of awareness and it can also lead us down the road to ruin through the forming of unconscious habits. 

Contemplate this:

Desire is endless. 

Life is not.

To question our desire is to refine it. To refine our desire is to go to the heart of its cause. At the heart of its cause, it is pure. It is here in this space to contemplate the desire that purifies all other desires and to turn this power into the longing for liberation, the Holy Longing.

If one is swimming in murky waters the direction is easily obscured. Holy Longing raises the awareness out of the mud of lesser desires to the surface of the water that is clear and transparent. In clear and transparent waters we can see where we wade.

It is a great feat to lift awareness in such a way for the ancient programs within us are our base-level instincts and they are strong. It is also a great privilege to be fortunate enough to elevate our mind in such a way, not fortunate in the material but fortunate in the spirit for our true treasure is wisdom. 

When we are in touch with this treasure we do not need to run around accumulating useless objects or certificates to adorn the illusory self nor do we follow the impulse to pursue the passion of the animal within us. 

There is no time that is wasted tirelessly trying to fill a bottomless cup. This life is fleeting. If we are not aware, we are unaware and it is to understand that the presence of this awareness fills us more than anything found in the world ever could.

If you are not aware, then where are you?

At the root of mind, underneath all of the fiction of identity, personality, beliefs and ideas lay the spring of mind. Like a blank canvas. Empty and infinite.

While most subscribe to the passing contents charading through the field of mind you will penetrate the deepest aspects to see what is not fleeting.

Failing to see the source of mind in its pristine expanse of pure awareness one runs around all day long without getting anywhere.

Seeing the pristine expanse of pure awareness as the source of mind is to fall through the open sky.

Look to the root and see only space. Where then is mind? Where then is self?

When searching for the mind, no-mind is found.

When searching for the self, no self is found.